Loranys Gellantara

Welcome! Name's Lauren but I go by many many different names. I've been around for 2 or is it 3 years? So I would say that I am an old ...

(In regards to Captain Jack Sparrow) "Do you think he plans this all out, or just makes it up as he goes along?"

Once there was a monster who spoke only about bubble gum. He thought that he should take a lesson about bubbles and rubber bands. He could jump over the river ...

scheidt

OMG! I was just thinking about Heath last night before I heard from my sister about this. I can't believe he's gone. It's like Steve Irwin all over again! Also ...

It didn't get me I'm afraid. Just the whole idea. ~ Loz

I like it except I think that you shouldn't have some lines short and other very long. It would not only sound but look better. For example: "To every heart ...

I'd have to agree with Suzanne. I read the first verse and it just went down hill from there. Definately needs punctuation. Keep writing ~ Loz

This is good! I don't know if it was intentional or not but I would try not to use ryhme too much (first verse). Keep writing! ~ Loz

I thought that you repeating the things was more like a song and not a poem. It was defintely good otherwise that. Maybe with a bit of editing it can ...

Well I thought it was well set out and that the poem was better without punctuation and capitilization (except where you put it of course). It was beautiful. I hope ...

I think for starters that not repeating the sentences would help; to me it sounded more like a song than a poem. It was well done otherwise. Keep writing! ~ ...

Well I disagree with Sureal. It's definately well done for a first try. I liked it though I think that after some advice that it could be better. Keep writing! ...

First thing I liked it! Secondly I think that you can change some of the lines. For example: I feel like my individuality is being swallowed whole and leaving me ...

This is interesting. It gets your view across but I do think that you should work on it a bit more. Keep writing ~ Loz